Ooh Heaven is a Place on Earth - if you want it to be.

I've never been one to complain…-who am I kidding? That was a lie. 

I'm sick of winter. So sick of winter. We haven't even had it too terribly hard, really. We've only had a couple weeks of snow and cold. But dude, I was done with it before the first beautiful unique snowflake hit the dirty pavement. 

All I can think about in temperatures like this are all the things I'd rather be doing. 

I have a little clip running through my head of the perfect day sans snow. It involves being somewhere warm and mountainous. I want to be in an El Camino with a sunroof. I want a route 44 strawberry limeade from Sonic in the cup holder. I want the radio playing MGMT's "Kids" while I wind up and down one of those roads that hug the side of a cliff with the ocean waiting to catch me if I fall off. 

Later, I will park on the side of the road and make sand angles on an uninhabited beach and build a bonfire. I'll roast hotdogs and then make an a-frame tent out of long sticks that I find-along with the cozy blankets I keep in the back of the car for times such as these. There will be stars. And I will fall asleep to crickets and bullfrogs. 

Sometimes I hope Heaven will be just like Earth only cleaner and friendlier. Because something like this is something I could peg as Heavenly.

What's your Heaven on Earth?

Blonde and Bright

DIY super blonde hair. 

by naomi. 

i had colored my naturally light brown hair to black and pink for over two and a half years. i loved having fair skin and dark hair. but if you're anything like me, having the same hair color(s) for too long just makes you bored. 

i decided it was time for a change. how about visiting the opposite side of the spectrum? blonde hair it is. 

i love my salons. i regularly visit two different places near where i live. they do such a great job with cutting. i usually color my own hair, but i thought something so scary as blonde should be done by a professional. but seeing as how i'm, well, naomi, i decided to take matters into my own hands. why? well, 1. i was sure i could do it on my own for far cheaper, and 2. why not? i can hear some say, 'naomi, your hair is not a diy craft project!' while they may be right, it hasn't stopped me. 

i'm here to tell you the truth about going from black to blonde. first take into consideration these tips:

1. time table

do you have to have family pictures taken between now and a month from now? if yes, don't even begin to start bleaching. it takes a long time to get your hair to the right color. and if your hair is anything like mine was (quite healthy, but saturated by years of the darkest dye there is) you'll look disgusting for weeks. with that in mind, i bring you to number 2.

2. hat

go to target and find yourself a couple of really cute hats/beanies or whatever the hipsters wear. you're definitely going to want to cover your hair between bleaching sessions, and believe you me, YOU don't want to look at yourself in the mirror after the first couple sessions, so please, spare the rest of us the awkward stares and cover thoughse hairs up, girl. 

3. slow and steady wins the race to being hott.

don't be in a hurry to get it to the lightest shade. your hair WILL be in horrible condition if you rush the project. you might have to have multiple bleaching sessions. so the longer the span of time between bleaching sessions, the better. your pale locks will not impress anyone-yes they're white, but that doesn't change the fact that it looks like matted sheep wool. 

4. do your research

finding the right products is key. learn from other's mistakes. watch youtube videos and read tutorials. a lot of them. 

5. wella frosty ash

this product is a wonderful toner for getting out the yellow in your hair. BUT IT IS TERRIBLE for the health of your hair. FYI. i did three bleaching sessions and i felt my hair was in a condition that would be easily salvageable, health-wise. but this wella stuff put it over the edge. consider manic panic's virgin snow. doesn't last as long, but it doesn't harm your hair at all. just re-apply as needed. 

6. sally beauty

you'll get all of your products from sally, hopefully. the walmart bleach kits (most of them) are not ok. don't touch them. even though you'll be getting most of your supplies at sally's, be studied up on the products you want to purchase before you even enter the store. the employees are helpful, but they do not know what they're talking about all of the time. they do their best to guide you to the right products, but they also aren't the best people to trust to get the right stuff for your craft project-i mean your makeover. this was learned the hard way for me. they're the ones that told me that the wella frosty ash wouldn't damage my hair and to use it as soon as i wanted. lies. 

7. conditioner. 

let's just say that conditioner is my new best friend. not like, 'this is my new favorite beauty product'…no. we're best friends. we sleep together and share secrets and wear best friend charm necklaces. i wear the 'friends' half. i have about three different kinds of conditioner right now. i'm sort of testing what i like best. ApHogee makes this really great 2 step repair stuff that is just amazing. try that. i also bought the ApHogee 2 minute repair stuff. i ALSO bought some coconut oil treatment. i pretty much have conditioner in my hair while i sleep and during the day. the only time i don't have my hair being nourished with something is when i feel like i want to expose my hair to the world. that has been one day in the past two weeks. my hair is feeling a lot better now though. i think it's time we come out and play. UPDATE: finally found a conditioner/mask that actually worked. it's called Argan Oil by One 'n Only. this is a restorative mask that reconstructs and repairs horrible hair and makes it shine again. i've used it twice and it has done wonders. my hair feels very close to normal again.  

8. don't be a pussy.

there were three times when i reached for my trusty box of permanent ammonia free black hair dye that i have stashed in my bathroom cupboard. i thought, "all this fuss isn't worth it. all this gross and uneven blondish yellowish orangeish crap is not attractive and i neeeeed to cover it up!!" don't do it. don't be a wuss and puss out half way thru. you'll just be irritated you gave up and you'll want to try to go blonde again, because you never got there. and once you try to do it again, your hair will fall out. i promise. 

9. you're so damn hot (that's an okgo song reference)

try to stay away from hair straighteners, blowdryers, and other hot hair things for awhile. if you have to use them, use a really good heat protecting spray. i use Tresemme Thermal Creations Heat Tamer. it's in a black bottle with a red handle. it may be a walmart cheap brand, but it really works well on my hair. you might need something a little better, i don't know. 

10. maintenance

there is a lot to keep up with when your hair is this light. get yourself some purple shampoo for weekly washes. it helps keep the yellow out. and then there's a bunch of different products you can use to keep you light and shiny. but there are a ton of them out there, so research what will work for your needs. 

roots. keep them touched up. unless you are one of those people who look kinda punk rock with dark roots that peek out a little. i'm sorta ok with that. you are allowed to get crazy, but don't get lazy.

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Too Beautiful To Function

Dear Lord, please protect us from your 'followers'. -More of the same, sorry.

i have this dear friend who decided to become buddhist. (i know you know who you are, and i respect your decision. this has nothing to do with the way i think about that. nor is this directed at you. this is just a good example to my point i’m about to make:o) ) i asked her to tell me a little about why she chose to go that route. she told me things like because it’s all about what goes around, comes around. all about doing good to people, and appreciating every little thing - from smells to sounds to everything. it’s about bettering who you are as a person and doing it not because some ‘god’ tells you you should. you’re doing it because you really want that for yourself. at least that’s what i remember. sorry if i’m way off.

personally, i’ve never researched the religion. basically because i don’t care all that much, to be completely honest. but from the reasons she explained to me, i thought, ‘hmm, what’s so wrong about that?’ on the surface, nothing. i guess i already do most of that. i generally want the best for people. i appreciate the little things. i really do. i realize just about every action has a consequence of some sort. but i’ve decided i think ‘karma’ isn’t as mystical as we all think it is. isn’t it just, when we get down to it, ‘cause and effect’? i honestly don’t think God is up there waiting for us to make a mistake and then BAM! slaps us on the wrist or strikes us with lightening. i honestly just think when we do good, sometimes good things happen. when we do bad, a lot of times bad things happen. but EYE don’t think that’s karma or even necessarily God. i just think that’s the way the world works. you eat a bunch of crap, you’re gonna feel and look and crap crap. you eat a bunch of good things, you’re gonna feel good, look good and crap good. right? 

so what do i find wrong with the religion? well, a biggy is that they don’t worship God – the creator of the universe and my right hand man. 

i would just like to be honest in saying i completely understand why some of you think christianity is a load of shit. i think it is too, for the most part-at least the organized religion. christians are some of the rudest, meanest, uppity, most selfish pigs i’ve ever interacted with. and i’d usually rather hang out with catholics, jehovah witnesses, and other religions where ‘good works will get you to heaven’.  (now don’t go all commenty on me. you may deny that claim of ‘works getting you to heaven’ stuff, but when you get down to it and really read the doctrine of what you’re participating in, you’ll see that i’m not so wrong after all.) 

ANYWAY, a unique thing about christianity is that it’s one of the only (if not -the only) ‘religions’ that a god has come to our level, so to speak. our god wanted a relationship with us even tho we were rude, mean, uppity and selfish pigs. so he came to earth in the form of a man (jesus) and did all the ‘good works and sacrifices’ FOR us so we wouldn’t have to EARN him. he, to be quite simple, ‘earned’ US. (dying on a cross, and coming back to life. because he’s God after all. ...can’t hold that One down, lemme tell ya.) so even tho i am forever grateful that my God would take a grenade and throw his hand on a blade for me and jump in front of a train for me (a little bruno mars for ya), i think it has left most of us feeling ‘entitled’. spoiled little bratty children. SPOILED CHILDREN! spoiled children who walk around flaunting their ‘i’m daddy’s favorite’ status in the other childrens’ face. reminding them that they’re ‘better than them’. we were bought with a price for goodness sake. we were pulled from the ashes. we were saved from the flames! and you? YOU are going to be burned in the lake of fire and turn to ashes and, uh, gnashing of teeth and hell and stuff. you are unholy. you are so unholy that you cannot hang around me. because i am redeemed. i am set free. i am the lord’s child. bull. you’re an uppity child of God who needs to be slapped in the face with their own bible they’ve been beating so many with. or punched in the face by me. either one. they’ll both work. 

so please. PLEASE, take ME and my snotty blogs and realize that ‘we’re’ not all the same. i apologize for my ‘sisters and brothers in the lord’. man i hate that phrase. because sometimes i don’t even want to be lumped into that group with ‘them’. jesus loving christians out there reading this: please be aware of how a ‘non believer’ views you. remember those ridiculous WWJD bracelets? well, maybe you should start wearing one again. that is, IF you’re one of those christians who turn more and more people OFF to the idea of loving a God that would die over and over again for you. be careful not to misrepresent who we are loving. i know i sometimes do it too, but, well, at least i try to be honest about it. i was a lot more uppity about it in high school and college. so i apologize if i misrepresented who i love. 

and to those of you who are still stuck at the beginning of the blog where i’m practically giving buddhism a good review: all i’m really saying is, perhaps we should (me included) actually LISTEN to our friends with different views and religions and take away what we can from those conversations and LEARN from them. it doesn’t mean you have to change what or who you believe in. it merely means maybe what you believe and worship IS ‘right’. but we don’t always DO it right. we don’t always love others. we don’t always think about the consequence of our actions. we don’t always appreciate the smell of a strawberry or the sound of a branch snapping. learn from others. love others. accept others and their views, because the LORD knows your views aren’t perfect either. amen. 

Abortion and Bad Weather:

your love for me is like a ...a candle??

i heard a song and one of the main lines was, ‘i’m burning for youuuu, like a candle.


i’d just like to say if a boy wrote that song for me, i’d be pissed.

your love is burning for me like a candle? a candle? seriously. a candle. you mean one of those precious little scented tins of wax with a blissful name on the side of it? one of those? where i’d light it,  and blow it out and dump the wax on the table, and repeat several times to make a lumpy wax sculpture? one of those kinds of candles? or one of those tea light candles where after you light it when ten minutes pass they’re all a pool of wax and almost unusable a second time? or maybe one of those really tall straight ones that are used in weddings and other lame things? one of those?

i’m sorry dude, but if your love is burning for me like a candle, your love is too puny for me. i can walk by you too quickly and your love for me would burn out. i could cry on you once, and your love would burn out. i could lick my fingers and pinch you and your flame of love for me would be scorched out. i could whistle your way and your flame would extinguish. nope. your love is not good enough for me, sir. no. your love for me must be that of a forrest fire. (that sentence sounded sorta poetic. because i used, ‘that of a’...)

one of those forrest fires that can’t be quenched by all the firemen in the county with their bigass hoses spraying thousands and thousands of gallons at the base of the fire. one of those forrest fires that only stops burning when there’s nothing left to burn. it has to die. so, uh, your love for me better be like a forrest fire that has to die out before it stops loving me. not a candle. wuss.

i’m sick of christians.

a friend of ours was playing a show last weekend. we went to watch, and then said hello afterwards. we just chatted very quickly and went along with our business. it was loud and hard to talk, and he had to load up his gear.

he emailed me a day later to talk about some stuff that we’ve been working on, and then said, ‘sorry if i came off a bit rude the other nite, and if you heard me swear. my band was ticking me off. i apologize.’ i emailed him back and told him not to worry about a thing. because first off: i didn’t remember him swearing, and second off: i wouldn’t care if he did.

we don’t know each other ALL that well, so i know he didn’t know i’m the ‘cool’ kind of christian. i appreciated his apology. a great deal. but at the same time, it got me thinking... this is the same frame of mind EYE have when i’m in contact with a lot of people who are ‘christians’. i watch what i say a little more. i’m more polite. - i’m not ‘fake’, i’m just a little... cleaned up. 

when i’m with my jesus loving friends that KNOW the real me, I’M the real me. the uncleaned up version of me. when i’m with my ‘non born again christian friends’ i’m the real me. i personally don’t feel like i’m going to be sent to hell if i drop a ‘naughty word’ every now and then. nor do i feel like i’m going to be sent to hell if i talk about how i don’t like most praise and worship music. nor do i feel like i’m going to be sent to hell if i don’t close my eyes when i pray, or dance during praise and worship time or lay my hands on people when i pray for them, or or or or OR OR OR. 


i’m pretty much at the point in life where my ‘christian walk’ is summed up very simply: ‘i love jesus. that’s all.’ 

i’m not a walking hypocrite either. yes, i sometimes swear, and i will admit, my ‘venting sessions’ can turn into a degree of gossip if i’m not careful. i struggle with not hating some people and i have very low patience for people who irritate me, and i’ve been known to be very angry - thru and thru- at times. BUT is that being a hypocrite? no. not at all. that folks, is honesty. what IS being hypocritical is those ‘christians’ that have smiles on their faces 24/7 who always ‘love’ everyone and look disapproving at you when you say ‘crap’. those are the kinds of people i have a hard time not hating. sigh... 

anyway, if we all were the honest, real, jesus loving ‘christians’ that paul and other great dudes of the bible were, we’d all be happy and get along. 

it’s you fake-ass snooty bible thumpers that are hardening peoples’ hearts to the real jesus and what life can be with the real him. it’s you fakers who make us think we have to ‘cleanup’ around you, because who knows WHAT you’ll think of us. 

why do we have to tiptoe around christians? why do we have to be afraid of christians? why do we have to be afraid of what christians are going to think about us? it’s a shame, really. i hate that we have to feel that way. i hate that i have to feel that way. 

if we all were acting out of true love, if we all were acting out of compassion, if we all were acting like the Lord wants us to act like, nobody would be trying to censor themselves when they talk to us. no one would think they need to change their clothes before entering our church. no one would be wondering if they should cover up their cigarette smoke smell with perfume or hiding the wine coolers in the back of the fridge. no one would need to apologize for swearing in front of us. BECAUSE we’d all be loving. caring. understanding. we’d all just LOVE people, and end it at that. true christians should be the people that ANYONE can feel comfortable around -if they were TRUE christians. but, unfortunately, 


most christians make me uncomfortable... 

said to everyone: i love you. you and your filthy mouth. you and your beer. you and your slutty clothes. you and your negative attitude.

so although i respect those of you for treating me proper and watching your mouth and brushing your teeth before hanging out with me, i would love you just as much if you didn’t.