Allow me to introduce myself:

hi. it’s me.
who am i? someone you’ll either hate or really enjoy. i don’t believe in gray areas, so you’ll take me or leave me. i won’t allow you to dance in the middle with me.
i am loud. i am rude. but i’m perfectly capable of shutting up and being the nicest thing in the world. i’m opinionated.
i like things that a lot of others don’t.
i get irritated more than most.
i love jesus. i have since i was three. i loved the lord before i could ride a bike.
i am a musician. i’ve played the guitar longer than i could reach the sink.
i’ve gotten more spankin’s than i can count.
i appreciate the tiny things.
i probably like you more than you like me in a lot of cases. the few times we may have talked mean more to me than they’ll ever mean to you, most likely.
i’m hard on myself. i allow no wussiness to creep into my life.
i love my family. my younger sister can make me laugh, and laughs at all of my jokes. all of them. and the cool thing is, i really think she thinks they’re genuinely funny. my older sister can get along with just about anyone. i don’t understand how she does that. my mom will fight for me and always win. my dad gets me. my husband? just...wow. <--that’s a good wow.

fake people piss me off more than almost everything. so does religion. mostly because religion is a clique. and cliques are full of fakers. all things i hate.

i’d drink out of a mug before a glass. handles are convenient.
i hate gum.
i fear cougars.
heights make me uneasy.
if you want to motivate me, tell me i can’t do it.
if you want to please me, make me something. anything. i like to craft. all sorts of things.
i hate reading. most the time.
i’m an apple. but jesus loves pc users too.

i swear from time to time. and those of you who say, ‘naomi, if you love the lord, you shouldn’t use such fowl language.’ and i’ll tell you, ‘person, if you love the lord, you’ll let the holy spirit do his job.’

i really like chai lattes. but i hate starbux.

i almost never capitalize letters when they should be. (i’m such a rebel.) but more truthfully, i think it’s pointless. i overuse commas. but i just put them where i would pause if i were actually talking. i also over use ellipses. but i’m aware of both of these faults. and i don’t care.

i don’t know how to play chess and i never want to learn.